We are walking constellations of stories. Most of these stories are inaccurate, misunderstood, or the opposite of what is real. They are woven into our cells, our tissues, our organs. They reflect in our voice, our words, our actions, our posture. Our entire life becomes the 'singing of a familiar song.' We sing it in various keys, and in various styles, however it is the same song.
Over the years, I've learned to see the stories that people carry in their bodies. This is not esoteric knowledge. It just requires tuning into another layer of reality. The collapse that is indicative of the early childhood trauma, the anger toward the father, the sexual betrayal, the broken heart. At a glance these things can be seen.
As we adjust the collapsed posture, and open up the anatomy where the story is carried, memories are often released, with a flood of tears. That is how the body moves incomplete emotional experiences from the system. And we are set free from that particular story. It doesn't always go as smoothly as that. Sometimes, the whole body rebels. Sometimes, life seems to fall apart, as the foundation shifts. However, in the aftermath, life is not only better... we feel more alive.
The collapse is an attempt to not feel the pain that was once overwhelming. We live our whole life around that story. At one point in time, it was a protective mechanism, or at least we thought it was. It made perfect sense. Now it no longer does.
A physical ache is sometimes a story that is beyond its date of expiration. Life no longer works. Things fall apart. The center, the illusion, can no longer hold.
Adopting a story always comes with a price, so take them on lightly. If you think your father never liked you, you may never trust men again, until that story is resolved. An inaccurate story (about what a 'disease' is, for instance, or an inaccurate 'nutritional requirement') can literally kill you.
I've found that one of the most healing forces is unconditional love. Many ancient spiritual traditions preached this as well, though I stumbled upon it as a something that is completely logical.
Conditional love is trying to love someone through our own story, our own filter. It is not fully accepting them as a whole, complete being, as beautiful as flawed.
Unconditional love, on the other hand, involves listening to someone's subjective reality, one of their stories, and honoring it. Once the story is told, and the song is heard, it's no longer needed.
One of my personal practices is deepening the listening, the observing, to find the emotional current running underneath the words. Knowing how the physiology functions in the mind body complex eases this task, because once I see the collapse around the masculine, I know the rage isn't about me personally. In some sense, it's never personal. These constellations of stories are like the constellations above, in that they are constructed around archetypes, rather than individuals. However, it's important to remember that the only way to access the archetype is through the individual. Heal the relationship with the masculine by healing the relationship with the father, by fully feeling what is unresolved, and completing what is incomplete.
Once you know and understand role that the story has served in someone's life, you can aim an acknowledgement directly at it, like an arrow, and heal a wounded heart. Nothing is so effective for healing rifts, even if they're years or decades old. Nothing cuts through armor or walls like understanding, compassion, and empathy.
To make the leap to more aliveness, make this year about walking outside of 'your' stories, where life is blooming.
Steven Budden, CEO