People come to me with a business challenge, or a creative blockage, or a chronic relationship pattern. I watch their language, mannerisms, and posture as they tell their story, and within a few minutes, the origin of the challenge reveals itself. The right knee is clenching. What an interesting choice of words. They could have chosen any word, and they chose 'battle' to explain their condition. A wave of emotion fluttered through the room when they mentioned their partner, and they swallowed it. I saw exactly where it went. Did they notice that?
The assessment (different details, same essence): They are hung up on something that happened a long time ago, and this kink in their system is draining their energy, robbing them of clarity, and causing them to regress unconsciously in critical moments.
The solution (always the same): discover and resolve whatever is incomplete, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Someone who hasn't had an orgasm in 5 years is potentially no different from someone who's business is falling apart. It's a blockage wreaking havoc on their lives. Our havoc shows up in ways unique to our situation. We are a constellation of stories, and each constellation hangs together in a slightly different way. It could be two people from vastly different walks of life, each hung up on a father narrative.
Sometimes I lose track of the names, because the stories are so similar. One manifested as a sexual challenge, and the other as a business challenge. If we trace the thread back through the iterations of the pattern, the end product makes more sense. Oh, after a series of painful experiences, one placed all of their self worth in their sexual performance, and the other placed all of their self worth on their business outcomes.
There are ways to consult around solving the business problem, or to physiologically coach around sexuality. I don't take these routes as the primary course of action, because they are each equally flawed; they both leave the root of the issue untouched. I prefer to chip away at the foundation, so that the pattern collapses, whatever it is.
It is not uncommon during this process for the entire life to shift in unpredictable, sometimes seemingly miraculous ways. The main 'complaint' may be the first thing to shift, or it may be the last. It doesn't necessarily matter, as long as we know we are taking the most direct path to the life change.
The sexual challenge or the business challenge are only symptoms of a lack of fulfillment. So an orgasm or more profit is not the solution, because the level of fulfillment would still be lacking. More fulfillment often solves the riddle in either case. And the word 'fulfillment' is interesting, because it implies filling up the emptiness. The emptiness is the place in us that we have lived around since the origin of the pattern, because living in it, or going through it, has been too painful.
I prefer to go for the deepest healing and transformation. That is my mission. I've gotten into some trouble for this, because it is not what everyone wants, and that is ok. I use to assume everyone wanted this, or I tried to take the surface path for those that weren't ready. Now I send them out into the world, where they can choose from an endless list of practitioners to continually shuffle around the content of their lives until something feels more complete. Eventually, they may come back around to working at the foundation of the pattern. Until then, it will be like musical chairs for their relationships, living conditions, enterprises, dietary practices, and theories.
Working at the surface can be used to glean clues about the depths. But once you have the clues, plunge after the reality. Otherwise, it's like making small talk about the weather... from the eye of a hurricane.
'It sure is nice out right now, isn't it?'
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