Most of our relationships suffer because of our tethers to the past. I wrote in my Flow Training Manual about Lucy. She was bound up in her shoulder, physically. As we gave a gentle pull, while taking the time to connect her to the emotion, we realized that, on some level, she was still ‘holding her father’s hand while she crossed the street.’ This was long ago, as a toddler, and the body had not let go.
Her father had passed away years before, and she was unable to mourn.
As I gently, steadily pulled on her arm, her shoulder released and the floodgates opened. Tears for her father poured out.
This is one elegant example, but we all carry stories like these. These are the fascinating ways our patterns are bound to us. This is what they mean when they say ‘the body is the unconscious mind.’
Now the benefit… Lucy had been with a man for many years, but was never able to fully commit, though he was still head over heels in love with her. After we discovered and released that blockage, they were married soon after. She was able to soften into the situation and just enjoy it.
I dance around the body, my whole system alert to potential blockages, listening and feeling. Discovering the blockage is and releasing it are not always separate steps. They’re often released as we discover them, in a sort of energetic conversation… in this way, we can get at the root of what hundreds of hours of talk therapy may never touch.
In another example, a client was experiencing sexual challenges, and many years of single life, when what she really wanted was a committed, fulfilling relationship. As she spoke about her challengers, I noticed her jaw was tense and hardly moving. She was speaking through her teeth. I simply took her jaw, and gently moved it around, releasing the tension, while encouraging her to ‘say the unsaid’. What poured forth were many things she’d never even considered.
That same week, she rewrote her online dating profile, based on this ‘freed up’ voice, and met her soul mate soon after.
Love is the quintessential human experience, and the ways it intertwines with our system are profound.
Is your heart is wrapped up by the tethers to the past? Set yourself free.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
PS. It is rare that the releases occur this suddenly and spontaneously, but not uncommon. Normally, it takes some time to prime the ground for such an experience, and then it happens.