Your relationship is not the product of what you do; it's a manifestation of what you believe about yourself. So the only effective strategy for transforming a relationship is to transform yourself. Otherwise, it's like shuffling around the furniture in a house with a foundation built on shifting sands.
A client was in mediation for his divorce, and during one of the last meetings, his soon-to-be-ex wife changed some of the terms, and the whole process was about to get a lot more complicated and expensive. They were even disagreeing about who would keep the dog.
He drove for a few hours to bring her to me for a session, and sat and waited with the dog while we worked together. She'd been feeling fear around letting go, and doubts about her prospects going forward. There was trauma in the body from other broken relationships that had not been processed. As we cleared that out, the tears of pain shifted to tears of joy.
She walked out of the room, awake to her true nature. Instead of living in reaction to past events, and projecting that onto her husband, she was able to get back in touch with the love she truly felt for him. They were suddenly able to speak to one another... to listen. And everything worked out for the best.
I'm not concerned with keeping people together who are not a match. I'm concerned with expressing your highest self. Sometimes, someone comes to me and says... 'make this work, it's more convenient if we stay in this relationship, for obvious reasons.' I reply that it is not my task to force anything. We can clear the obstacles to what is real, and resolve unresolved past events, and from that space, see what unfolds.
Sometimes, when we break free of a chronic pattern, we do fall back in love with the one we're with. Sometimes, we acknowledge the love, and love ourselves enough to acknowledge that we need to move forward.
You need to be able to walk into an equation with your full self, to meet the moment with your whole body. If your heart is still broken from a relationship a decade ago, or you're still angry at men because of something your father did to you, how completely can you love?
Love surfaces those patterns so that they can be healed, and loving someone through their scars is the greatest love of all. Unconditional love is the most healing force on the planet.
Another example of how the body carries memory, and how it can block the flow of love.
Patterns are alive in your cells and in your tissues. Recently, I was working with a client in a Bloom session, and while we rotated the left leg, she sobbed and realized that she'd given so much power away sexually. As the body moved back through those traumas, and the emotional residue was free to release, I felt the muscles go from haltering and restricted to free flowing. Imagine, if every time a woman opens her legs, all of these old memories are surfacing and blocking connection. The only thing to do in the moment is either to begin processing or to cut off from the deep, subliminal undercurrent.
A few weeks later, we worked on the other leg, and a memory of her birth arose, and the leg having been caught in the birth canal (she was born breech). So half of her pelvis was caught at birth, and the other half in a stagnant marriage from a decade earlier. How free was she to love in the moment? Not to mention the disease that often manifests out of this kind of asymmetry in the body.
As we freed up the unconscious memories that she was still holding on to, she was suddenly free to love, for perhaps the first time since childhood. What do you suppose happens next?
Love and bloom,
Steven Budden - Dramatically upgrade your love life.