You've been through a lot, living as a gay man in our culture... it's time to heal.
Life is calling you to heal by placing the opportunities that you need right in front of you.
During your formative years, you sensed that something was different about you, though perhaps you didn't know what. Your parents, and particularly your father, were at a loss. They judged you, and blamed themselves, while they scrambled to figure it all out.
This dynamic can be profoundly traumatic to a young soul learning to navigate the world, and simply looking for love and connection.
In order to try to fit in, you played the roles as best as you could; you engaged in typical 'masculine' activities, and directed your energies toward women, or perhaps you excelled at intellectual pursuits, in order to 'make sense' of a world that made little... but it all occurred at great cost to your individuality and your unique expression.
You had to become very conscious about how you were walking, speaking, acting. Any motion could have given you away. Perhaps, like many, you often walked in terror, for fear of the terrible things that would happen to you if you were ever found out.
A Walk in the Woods - How We Shut Ourselves Down
I was working with a client once, and we were conversing while walking through the forest. I noticed that while he was walking, he as very rigid and stiff... not at all like I knew him to be in his joyous moments. As I pointed this out, he remembered trying to walk like a 'straight boy' as a child. When I pointed out that now, there was no one around but trees, he became emotional, releasing years of shame and sadness. And then we practiced 'walking without hiding', or walking from the essence.
I say 'walking' but you could apply this to talking, or dancing, or loving, or just about anything.
Whenever we shut down our full or our true expression, energy congests in our system, and we train ourselves toward rigidity and repression. That emotional gets tucked away for future processing. Because the body intelligence wants to move it out, it can slip out at the most inopportune moments, while we lash out at someone for hardly any reason at all. And life will continually orchestrate itself around us releasing those pockets of energy, which could manifest as pain or stiffness or collapse.
Discovering this is a complex and beautiful process.
We are meant to dance in our own dance; sing our own song; and the more authentically we can express ourselves, the more we free ourselves from emotional and physical disease, and the freer we become to live our purpose.
Otherwise, even in the middle of the proverbial forest, you may find yourself 'acting' instead of 'being.'
The Anatomy of Bloom
I've designed a system, the Bloom Model™, that deals with all of these challenges in one sweep, making for dramatic progress within 'impossible' timeframes. I lead clients through an original process of reclaiming the body and the pieces of the self that were lost in the past, by combining touch and compassionate conversation. These life-altering experiences become the ground work upon which to build your future.
- We need to go back and honor the difficulty of your journey in order to clear the backlog of emotion. You were navigating very dangerous waters. How did you make it through? What resources did you develop? Some of these are no longer serving you, and as we set those down, the beauty of the journey becomes more available.
- We'll also need to clear the physical trauma from the body itself, so that you can move and breathe freely into who you truly are. This is done through touch, physical movements, postural adjustments, and a reclaiming of the voice. People define trauma too narrowly. There were times at the dinner table when something was said that you might have registered as traumatic, as well as the fear of persecution.
- Then we anchor in and practice ways of being that arise out of the essence rather than out of the armored personality.
- We also need to heal and reframe the relationship with the father, the individual and the father archetype.
Hi, I'm Steven Budden, life enhancement expert and trauma release specialist. Since 2011, I've been supporting gay men like you in healing their lives and deepening their intimacy; nurturing their connection to themselves, and reframing their whole experience of life so that joy is a focus. In other words, to heal, live better, and love more.
I'm not gay. A series of awakening experiences opened me up to a wider worldview, which allowed me to see exactly where people had shut down, and to support them in unfolding.
When I put out the call, straight men rarely responded. It was gay, bisexual men, and women; because they are more intuitive generally, and more in touch with their bodies.
For women and gay men, during the course of our work together, I play the role of empowered masculine, in a process of rewiring the body to trust men again, through touch and conversation.
The voices of judgement are still chiming in, even after all these years, aren't they? The father's voice. The teacher's voice. The politicians voice. The preacher's voice. Now the voices often masquerade as 'your own thoughts.' I want you to tune into those now, and get a sense of where you are on this path. They tend to get louder when you touch on something that can shift the equation, but something else also gets louder; the voice of your heart.
Long ago, the body became a frightening place, so we retreated into our heads. This 'energy rising higher in the system' is also indicative of trauma, and we need to invite that energy, that awareness, back down into the body and into the heart. In the somatic work that I do, we launch the embodiment journey literally with the feet. This old trauma needs to be released, before full expression, commitment, and intimacy can happen; the kind of love you know you are capable of.
After clearing away the layers of armor, and the backlog of unprocessed emotions, life will feel completely different. You will feel aliveness coursing through your body, and you'll experience the pieces of yourself, physically and metaphorically, that you've never felt before.
This translates as more passion for life, and all of the side effects; creativity flourishing, intimacy deepening, leadership evolving, stability increasing, courage heightening. In other words, Bloom happening.
I work with clients via video calls, and the deepest work is done occurs in person. I would recommend you to someone nearer to you, except that no one else does what I do, so you may need to travel.
It all begins with a conversation.
Love and Bloom,
“Shaman, magician, healer. I have never felt so much joy in the unraveling of self! Each session is so beautifully crafted and designed specifically for you. He is undeniably among the amazing few chosen to heal.”
-Tony Demartile, Founder, Solé Salon & Spa AVEDA, Emeryville, California
“Every second with Steven has been pure healing.
I have had fifteen years of difficult and painful illnesses and emotional struggles; I’ve been to doctors and healers and yogis and medicine men and nothing has had the impact that just a few sessions with Steven has had.”
-Brian Bugh, Product Developer, San Francisco, California.
“It is both blazingly simple and obvious how working with Steven has made my life better, improved my well-being, and made me a happier person.
Benefits: Processing 40+ years of emotions to be able to move consciousness into a present-oriented awareness, accepting myself a great deal more and sharing myself with others in ways that lead to greater understanding and provide more happiness and joy; completing my long-held intention of writing and publishing a book.
And on and on, NOW, the key difference with Steven is: I did not exercise willpower to accomplish any of those states of being.”
Mike Shur, Executive Consultant
"Steven Budden is graced with a unique gift for healing--I've never encountered anything like it before, and I've worked with a lot of practitioners. He is acutely attuned to what needs fixing and knows how to do it, with sensitivity, kindness and fortitude. I can't recommend him highly enough."
Eric Roos, Co-Founder, Nancy Boy
When we met I'd come to accept a certain amount of anxiety, sleeplessness and intestinal distress as the price of middle age. Nine sessions later it's easy to forget all the years I lived with those symptoms without giving them much thought. Steven touched and released traumas I didn't even know were stored in my body, including those held by my family going back for generations.
I'm more present, connected and content than I was before meeting Steven. I even stand taller and breathe easier. Steven is a keen observer, a good listener and a skillful healer. He let me know that my issues were familiar to him, that he could relate to my tendency to focus on small and negative things, and that he'd worked hard to gain the insights that make him so good at what he does now.
— PETER TEAGUE, FORMER CEO, THE BREAKTHROUGH INSTITUTE